Patrick Hastie is a goddamn comedian.

Sep 30

kylekinane:

I was drunk in Omaha and talked about an encounter I had with a skunk with a mayonnaise jar stuck on its head. But the reason you SHOULD buy it is Mitch’s rad art and the Slow Death doing their thing all over the flip side.

mitchclem:

Did the album art for a pretty rad split 7”. Joe Dunn did the colors. If this is the type of thing you’re into, you can get the vinyl here or the mp3s here.

Kinane and The Slow Death together? Pretty fucking cool dudes! Go buy this!

Sep 28
A scene I once overheard while shopping at Dollar Tree.

A scene I once overheard while shopping at Dollar Tree.

Sep 27
I am on this cool show Monday at the Pine Box in Brooklyn!
The Pine Box was the first place I did comedy when I moved to NYC.That night a guy brought a Nickelodeon’s Kid’s Choice Award which he won for being on “All That”. So needless to say, the place is VERY close to my heart. It is also VERY close to the L Train at the Morgan Stop! So you should come you fat nasty piece of trash!
From the Facebook Page:










The baddest bitches in these streets are back and baddester than ever! Last month, Abby and Irene gave away their emotional baggage. This month, they’re feeling a little bit better. To celebrate this achievement, we will have:Myka FoxScott NossenAmber NelsonSubhah AgarwalBrendan EyreAnthony P. DeVitoPatrick HastieSue SmithAlso, it’s a week after Irene’s birthday so not coming is like silently saying that you wish she had been miscarried.

I am on this cool show Monday at the Pine Box in Brooklyn!

The Pine Box was the first place I did comedy when I moved to NYC.That night a guy brought a Nickelodeon’s Kid’s Choice Award which he won for being on “All That”. So needless to say, the place is VERY close to my heart. It is also VERY close to the L Train at the Morgan Stop! So you should come you fat nasty piece of trash!

From the Facebook Page:

The baddest bitches in these streets are back and baddester than ever! Last month, Abby and Irene gave away their emotional baggage. This month, they’re feeling a little bit better. To celebrate this achievement, we will have:
Myka Fox
Scott Nossen
Amber Nelson
Subhah Agarwal
Brendan Eyre
Anthony P. DeVito
Patrick Hastie
Sue Smith
Also, it’s a week after Irene’s birthday so not coming is like silently saying that you wish she had been miscarried.
Sep 27
jonahray:

Q: So, you want to start a record label?
A: YES, because I hate my money and want to do something that’ll be fun. 
In 2007, my friends Ryan McManemin and Matt “sasquatch” Belknap started a comedy record label. Jen Kirkman and I were the first two releases. I had only been doing comedy for a handful of years and wasn’t anywhere close to thinking I was allowed to put out any sort of “comedy album” (although Jen’s “Self Help” is a classic and needed to be released). But, having been a part of Scott Aukerman and BJ Porters “Mbar/Comedy Death Ray” scene I had become friends with Ryan, as we were both punk rock kids that were now at comedy shows all the time. I had always thought it would be neat to treat my comedy as if it were a band. By making buttons, stickers, and of course, putting out a 7” record. The 7” record is usually a punk/indie bands first release, and I never got to a point with any of my bands to do it. So, when Ryan asked me if I was interested in doing exactly that, I couldn’t say no.
Patton Oswalt, who I describe as the current comedy scene’s combined Fugazi/Sonic Youth/Black Flag (not only that he helped pave a way, but paved it with the added intent on helping those around him), brought up the notion that people will start to follow comics like they follow musicians. In the way that you’ll get a bands early single, and then see them develop and become better musicians/songwriters. He even, with Chunklet’s Henry Owings, put out a split with The Melvins. 
So if that then what? Well, I was tired of saying “Somebody should…” or “Wouldn’t it be cool if…”
So, with AST RECORDS I am now starting my own imprint label:
                     LITERALLY FIGURATIVE RECORDS
I am gonna put out the stuff I like in the hopes that other people will too. Also, to maybe shed some light on some comics and bands that I really dig that people may not know about. This is a comedy label, this is a music label, this is probably some weird vanity project. Fuck it, though. 
What’s in store for releases? 
-Vinyl of NICK YOUSSEF’S DEBUT ALBUM “STOP NOT OWNING THIS”
-THE DEBUT 7” RECORD OF ONE OF MY FAVORITE NEW LA COMEDIANS “PAIGE WELDON”
-The first LP from the legendary MATT DWYER
And this is the fun one, a split 7” series with a comic on one side and band they are friends with on the other called:
THE MUTUAL APPRECIATION SOCIETY!
Releases in this continuing series to include…
Sean O’connor / Upset
Matt Mira / Jenny Owen Youngs
Alex Hooper / FARTBARF
Wil Wheaton / Nerf Herder
Kyle Clark / Chris Farren (from Fake Problems)
Jonah Ray (that’s me!) / Mikal Cronin
Powerviolence / Powerviolence
Rhea Butcher / G.S. Schray
And more as we go a long, but l don’t want to get too ahead of myself.
All this will be done under the guidance of Ryan and Matt from AST RECORDS as well as be distributed by them. 
I don’t know if this will be good, I DO know that it will be fun.

This is awesome! Jonah Ray is great!

jonahray:

Q: So, you want to start a record label?

A: YES, because I hate my money and want to do something that’ll be fun. 

In 2007, my friends Ryan McManemin and Matt “sasquatch” Belknap started a comedy record label. Jen Kirkman and I were the first two releases. I had only been doing comedy for a handful of years and wasn’t anywhere close to thinking I was allowed to put out any sort of “comedy album” (although Jen’s “Self Help” is a classic and needed to be released). But, having been a part of Scott Aukerman and BJ Porters “Mbar/Comedy Death Ray” scene I had become friends with Ryan, as we were both punk rock kids that were now at comedy shows all the time. I had always thought it would be neat to treat my comedy as if it were a band. By making buttons, stickers, and of course, putting out a 7” record. The 7” record is usually a punk/indie bands first release, and I never got to a point with any of my bands to do it. So, when Ryan asked me if I was interested in doing exactly that, I couldn’t say no.

Patton Oswalt, who I describe as the current comedy scene’s combined Fugazi/Sonic Youth/Black Flag (not only that he helped pave a way, but paved it with the added intent on helping those around him), brought up the notion that people will start to follow comics like they follow musicians. In the way that you’ll get a bands early single, and then see them develop and become better musicians/songwriters. He even, with Chunklet’s Henry Owings, put out a split with The Melvins. 

So if that then what? Well, I was tired of saying “Somebody should…” or “Wouldn’t it be cool if…”

So, with AST RECORDS I am now starting my own imprint label:

                     LITERALLY FIGURATIVE RECORDS

I am gonna put out the stuff I like in the hopes that other people will too. Also, to maybe shed some light on some comics and bands that I really dig that people may not know about. This is a comedy label, this is a music label, this is probably some weird vanity project. Fuck it, though. 

What’s in store for releases? 

  • -Vinyl of NICK YOUSSEF’S DEBUT ALBUM “STOP NOT OWNING THIS”
  • -THE DEBUT 7” RECORD OF ONE OF MY FAVORITE NEW LA COMEDIANS “PAIGE WELDON”
  • -The first LP from the legendary MATT DWYER

And this is the fun one, a split 7” series with a comic on one side and band they are friends with on the other called:

THE MUTUAL APPRECIATION SOCIETY!

Releases in this continuing series to include…

  • Sean O’connor / Upset
  • Matt Mira / Jenny Owen Youngs
  • Alex Hooper / FARTBARF
  • Wil Wheaton / Nerf Herder
  • Kyle Clark / Chris Farren (from Fake Problems)
  • Jonah Ray (that’s me!) / Mikal Cronin
  • Powerviolence / Powerviolence
  • Rhea Butcher / G.S. Schray

And more as we go a long, but l don’t want to get too ahead of myself.

All this will be done under the guidance of Ryan and Matt from AST RECORDS as well as be distributed by them. 

I don’t know if this will be good, I DO know that it will be fun.

This is awesome! Jonah Ray is great!

Sep 25

Holy Fuck!!!

Jackknife Comedy at Brooklyn Colony #5 is October 2nd  (one week from today)!

The line-up is rad as fuck:

John Bilancini (@KidRock)

Carolyn Busa (@KidRock)

Lawson Leong (@KidRock)

Jordan Temple (@KidRock)

Seth Cockfield (@KidRock)

Peggy Oh (@KidRock)

Hosted by Gideon Hambright & Patrick Hastie

Tell your friends!
Sep 24
A lot of comics have albums out these days. Most of them are shitty. This one isn’t going to be shitty.
Alex Carter is fucking hilarious. If you’re in Des Moines, go to this tonight! 

A lot of comics have albums out these days. Most of them are shitty. This one isn’t going to be shitty.

Alex Carter is fucking hilarious. If you’re in Des Moines, go to this tonight! 

Sep 22
Hey Owen Straw is a super funny comic and his car just took a shit, so go buy his hilarious album “Down For the Upstroke" so he can get a new one!

Hey Owen Straw is a super funny comic and his car just took a shit, so go buy his hilarious album “Down For the Upstroke" so he can get a new one!

Sep 21

About four years ago I started doing stand up comedy in Des Moines, Iowa.

Des Moines had a small scene, but it was fucking awesome and we all put in work to build it. We would drink together, hang out, fight, produce shows, start podcasts, do horrible road gigs, do shitty contests and we all became friends.

Eventually, some of these comedians (like myself) left Des Moines. We moved to LA or Chicago or New York City.

But the ones who didn’t move kept kicking ass. Now, thanks to them, the first annual Beast Village Comedy Festival is October 10th-11th in Des Moines.

The headliners are Timmy Williams (Whitest Kids U Know), Andy Sandford (Beards of Comedy) and Dave Ross (TERRIFIED Podcast). 

There are a ton of shows over 2 days, so make sure to go the facebook page and plan accordingly.

The full lineup is:

Toll McGrane (Des Moines)
Ryan Solomon (Des Moines)
Dan Umthun (Des Moines)
Alex Carter (Des Moines)
Marc Von Ahnen (Des Moines)
John Eide (Chicago)
Derek Moulds (Chicago)
Tommy Morgan (Chicago)
Brandon Ream (Madison)
Patrick Hastie (New York)
Sireono Sheley (Des Moines)
Ashley Huck (Chicago)
Ben Herman (Chicago)
James Draper (Quad Cities)
Andrew Cline (Quad Cities)
Andy Sell (Denver)
Spencer Loucks (Iowa City)
Dante Powell (Des Moines)
Kristy Hartsgrove Mooers (Iowa City)
Will Frazier (Des Moines)
Justin Bulver (Des Moines)
James Oxblood Oxheart Doyle (Des Moines)
David Melendez (Ames)
Christopher Schlichting (Quad Cities)
Joey Ficken (Ames)
Daniel Frana (Iowa City)
Michael Good (Des Moines)
AJ Grill (Madison)
Byron F. Graham (Denver)
Sam Tallent (Denver)
Joel Fry (Des Moines)
Mark Cellan (Des Moines)
Wes Cozad (Des Moines)
Mike Kitzman (Des Moines)
Jack Comstock (Omaha)
Dusty Stehl (Omaha)
Ryan de la Garza (Omaha)
Mike Perry (Omaha)
Cody Wayne Hurd (Omaha)
Abby Rosenquist (Omaha)
Annie Hildebrand (Omaha)
Bob Gurnett (Omaha)
Zach Reinert (Denver)
Preston Tompkins (Denver) 
Zach Peterson (Chicago)
Kevin White (Chicago) 
Katie McVay (Chicago) 
Ian Douglas Terry (Denver)
Stephanie Hasz (Chicago)
Goodrich Gevaart (Chicago)
Benjamin Broedel (Des Moines)
Dave Losso (Chicago)
Kate Bennett (Des Moines)
Madeleine Russell (Ames)
Kevin Brody (Chicago)
Alice Galloway (Omaha)
Adam Hrabik (Austin)
Brandon Cordes (Omaha)
Rachel Weeks (Des Moines)
David Philips (Chicago)

Sep 20

My 10 Favorite Songs of 2014 So Far!

10. “Red Violins” by Gaslight Anthem

9. “Quieter Today” by Cloud Nothings 

8. “Rock Bottom” by Modern Baseball

7. “Bathroom Stall Hypnosis” by Frontier Ruckus

6. “Children of God” by Andrew Jackson Jihad

5. “I Don’t Wanna Be an Asshole Anymore” by The Menzingers

4. “Spinners” by The Hold Steady

3.  ”Knock Me Over” by Cheap Girls

2. “East End Hollows” by Braid

1. “Transgender Dysphoria Blues” by Against Me

Sep 20

Son: Dad, we gotta talk.
Dad: What’s up?
Son: My girlfriend is Ragu.
Dad: What?
Son: Shit, I mean she’s Prego. Sorry, I always mix those up.