Just finished mixing the first track off the upcoming #RockBottomRebellion EP! @LukeRitter87 sings like an angel. #DevilMayCare #4amRadio
I don’t wanna grow up, I’m a Toys-R-Us kid! And also I have hodgkins lymphoma.
I guess Michael Jackson is in court for molesting another little boy named Conrad Murray. I hope they lock him up this time! #Sicko
My wife asked how many girls I’d been with when we started dating, I said 12. She goes “I was lucky 13?” I say “Yep & lucky 15 & lucky 18.”
I’m starting to think that I DIDN’T win NASA’s “Name The Rover” contest from 2008 when Wall-E came out. My suggestion was “Viggo Mortensen.”
Bart Simpson wasn’t just writing on the chalkboard during the opening credits of every episode of The Simpsons. He was inventing twitter.
You for sure see balls on tonights #IASIP. #America
We had an intervention for my father. At the end he promised to quit drinking but said he was going to continue molesting children.
The Simpsons Season 4 is so fucking great. #KampKrusty #MrPlow #ChooChooChooseMe #Monorail #ICallTheBigOneBitey
RT @IsaacFunnyJacob: I know I have not been doing a good job at what I do but I swear on @PatrickHastie next joke that I will do better …
“Vincent & The Doctor” is on PBS right now. So what if I don’t have BBC America.
RT @DianaFelyk: People on my “To Be Stalked” list @theheathhead @PatrickHastie @nick_costanzo @Stexcy @mo22alhertani @Mr_DamnSexy @SgtB …
I just finished a movie marathon of Young Guns 1, Robocop 2 & Starship Troopers 3. It was mind blowing.
Looks like @FryComedyGuy doesn’t get to make me “with child”. Thanks @Escaped_Artist!! #LastNightAtAKs
If I could go back in time to 2006 & tell myself that in 2011 I wouldn’t give a fuck about the Entourage finale. I wouldn’t. It’d be mean.
Hey folks, I’m interviewing Luke Ritter now, please tweet in questions! #TMSP Attn: @nick_costanzo @FryComedyGuy @Reamkore @Just_a_Ride
In Minnesota do they sell shirts reminding us to “never forget” the day that bridge fell into the river & all those people died? #TheyShould
So the Postal Service may shut down this winter, does anyone know what will happen to Death Cab?
I used to work at a hospital & I’d have to tell people their kid’s terminal. Which made me a lot of enimies since I worked in the cafeteria.
Jesus Fucking Christ! How many years do we have to wait for some new Garth Brooks tunes! #AmIRight
#FF @NotTJMiller @Just_a_Ride @Brandazzle @kaylatie @Kumailn @rev_awesome @joekilgallon @NikkiGlaser @RichardHunter @CrisLehman @peteholmez
I feel like Lou Diamond Phillips when he was on peyote in the movie “Young Guns”. #NoSleep #FiveHourEnergy #SpiritWorld #Positivity