Patrick Hastie is a goddamn comedian.

Jul 29

I left Des Moines a little over a year ago, and I don’t know what I find more weird: That fact that there are a bunch of Des Moines comedians that I’ve never heard of OR the fact that there are a bunch of Des Moines comedians that have never heard of me?

Jul 26

If I’ve learned anything in the few years I’ve been doing stand up comedy, it’s this:

When you’re a part of a comedy scene, don’t waste your time fighting and holding grudges with other comics. It’s useless. Rise above shit, come together and build something. Because walking around bitter and angry all the time is hacky as fuck.

Jul 26

My buddy John Eide has been getting a lot of buzz these days for his rapping, so I thought I’d drop this killa freestyle we did on our old podcast with Jack Lewis

Jul 25
The next Jackknife Comedy at Brooklyn Colony is August 7th!It’s FREE!This month we got:Ben Conrad (Cool Dude)Marcia Belsky (Cool Dude)Irene Hartmann (Cool Dude)Daniel J Perafan (Cool Dude)Brandon Hal Ream (Cool Dude)Hosted by:Gideon, Luke & PatrickTell your friends, it’s gonna be fucking rad!

The next Jackknife Comedy at Brooklyn Colony is August 7th!

It’s FREE!

This month we got:

Ben Conrad (Cool Dude)

Marcia Belsky (Cool Dude)

Irene Hartmann (Cool Dude)

Daniel J Perafan (Cool Dude)

Brandon Hal Ream (Cool Dude)

Hosted by:
GideonLuke & Patrick

Tell your friends, it’s gonna be fucking rad!

Jul 25

At 26: All my friends are getting married!

At 29: All my friends are getting divorced!

At 32: All my friends are dying in the Space Wars!

Jul 22

10 Great Songs by Early 2000s “Christian” Bands, Compiled By A Guy Who Doesn’t Believe in God

Earlier today I tweeted this

and it got me thinking….

I used to be in a band that got labeled as “christian”. I was then (and still am today) agnostic. I never gave a shit if people thought were religious, as long as they liked our music and as long as we kept getting to play shows with really great bands. And for a year or so, we did just that.

Here are 10 songs by early 2000s “christian” bands that were fucking awesome.

10. “High Five” by Calibretto 13

9. “Standing on the Edge of Night” by Element 101

8. “The Difference” by Count The Stars

7. “Angels of the Silences” by Stretch Arm Strong 

6. “When The Sun Sleeps” by Underoath

5. “Duane Joseph” by The Juliana Theory

4. “The Longest Winter” by Pedro the Lion 

3. “Tonight” by Ace Troubleshooter

2. “Snowbirds and Townies” by Further Seems Forever 

1. “Songs Will Write the Words” by twothirtyeight

Jul 19

She was looking kind of dumb he wrote, only to pause. His stomach turned. A pause like this could be one of two things; a short rest, or a long block.

The short rests were nothing, and even slightly relaxing. However, there had been times when the long blocks would plague him for weeks - months even. He would describe it to friends and colleagues as feeling like his brain had been filled with wet cement. Unable to process art, slowing down as the cement would harden. Shutting out all sense of creativity. All sense of magic. All sense of wonder. It was truly the one thing that terrified him.

But then suddenly, like a sign from above, the muse spoke to him and he again pressed his pen to the paper and wrote the words With her finger & her thumb in the shape of an L on her forehead.

Steve smiled. “Not today cement” he said to aloud to the empty room, “Not today.”

Jul 16


Jul 10

Let’s just all take a moment to let ALL the parts of this story sink in…

50312 Recanize!


Let’s just all take a moment to let ALL the parts of this story sink in…

50312 Recanize!

Jul 10

My Next 6 Days…


  • 8:00am: Wake up.
  • 9:00am: Go to Work.
  • 5:00pm: Get a Haircut.
  • 6:00pm: Take a Nap.
  • 8:00pm: I’m doing “This One Time” Storytelling show at People’s Republic of Brooklyn.
  • 10:00pm: Go to Bed.


  • 4:00am: Wake up.
  • 5:00am: Go to LaGuardia.
  • 7:00am: Fly to Cedar Rapids.
  • 11:00am: Land in Cedar Rapids, see my Wife and Dog!
  • 11:30am: Do stuff for my Brother-in-Law’s wedding.


  • All Day: Brother in Law’s wedding.


  • All Day: Hang out with my Wife and my Dog!


  • 9:00am: Wake up.
  • 1:00pm: Lunch with friends and family in Iowa City.
  • 3:40pm: Fly back to New York.
  • 9:30pm: Land in New York.
  • 10:30pm: Go to bed.


  • 8:00am: Wake up.
  • 9:00am: Go to work.
  • 5:00pm: Go to mics.
  • 10:00pm: I’m doing Creek and Cave Live at The Creek and the Cave.
  • 12:00am: Sleep for a million years.